Suicidal Freak
by RobinGirlWonder347
Summary: "Those two words are the words that had been uttered from the Sea Prince, finally just broke me to pieces." Percy pushes Nico over the edge and he just can't take it anymore and Percy realizes the consequences of his mistakes. Percico. Sad, but fluffyish at the end. Rated mild T for themes of suicide attempt. First story for PJO/HoO! Woo! :D (Now revised)


**I wrote this story right after one of my close friends had called me a suicidal freak, but instead of cutting(I'm well on a way to stopping), I wrote this. I don't have a Percy, but I also haven't attempted suicide and I don't plan too. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here and I understand.**

**Edit: This is now revised. I didn't like it, now I do.**

**Disclaimer: Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.**

**-X-**

_Suicidal Freak_

I stared out my window, silently asking myself if it was all worth it. Living. I stared at my scarred wrists. I felt tears prickle in my eyes. Each little scar had its own reason. Everyone was oblivious to what I've done to myself, either that, or they just couldn't care less. No one really cares about the son of death. All they do is fear me and mutter about me behind my back. If anyone knew about what I hid from the world, they would call me insane and avoid me like the _suicidal freak_ I am.

_Suicidal Freak_

That's just what I am.

It was those two words that actually pushed me over the edge.

Those two words are the words that had been uttered from the Sea Prince, finally just broke me to pieces.

_Suicidal Freak_

It all started when Percy had caught me about to shadow travel away from camp.

"Nico!" He had called to me, "Come on. Don't leave yet. Dinner's going to be starting soon." He gave me a stunning bright smile I guess in order to convince me to stay.

Damn, it was so hard to say no to that, but I finally choked out a blunt, "No, thanks," before turning to step into the shadows

He grabbed my wrist before I even the chance and I saw something in his eyes that I couldn't decipher... was it worry? Hope? Not matter what it was, he basically begged me with that slightly dimmed smile, "Please stay. For me."

Why did he have to be so adorable and good looking? I mean really, he is not making this any easier on me. I tried to rip my hand away from his grip, but he just held on tighter, "Percy, let go of me."

"Why?" Was this guy naturally this stupid? I mean it was obvious I'm not wanted at all here. I was only here to see Percy for a little while from a distance then leave. No matter how stalkerish that made me seem, I will stand by it, because I can't just approach him. What would I even say? Sure we train and make small talk together, but that didn't mean much did it? I'm just going to be that stupid, little kid in his mind forever, even if I'm 15 now. Two wars and I'm still just a kid.

"Because I'm trying to leave?" It sounded like the obvious answer. It wasn't as if I could just tell him the real reason without him thinking I'm some sort of insecure wimp, right? The only son of Hades is not a wimp. Especially an insecure one.

"Why?" I froze. Why was he so damn persistent? I suddenly didn't care anymore. I don't care if he thinks I'm a wimp. I know I'm a wimp, so who cares if Seaweed Brain knows too! It's not like it will matter, because he probably already thinks I'm a wimp. Why wouldn't he? He's like the MVP of the demigod world and I'm just the player on the bench that never gets called to play.

"It obvious," I angrily muttered trying to free my wrist once again. Why wouldn't just let go? My sleeve was rolling up and after today, I didn't want him seeing those… marks.

"What is?" The son of the sea asked seemingly honestly confused.

"Everyone at camp hates me! I was just here to train some and leave! I don't want to be somewhere I'm hated by absolutely everyone! So, let me go!" I yelled a partial lie desperately still trying to get him to release me. My sleeve was still rolling up.

Percy just may have saw what I was trying to hide, because let go and sighed. The look on his face was something I couldn't figure out. It almost seemed as if he just snapped. He looked at me with this exasperated cold glare and spoke in an edgy way with his voice rising, "Not everyone hates you! I don't hate you, because actually-" He cut himself off and gave an angered sigh, "If you really don't want everyone to hate you if you would stop acting such a gothic, suicidal freak all the time! Maybe then, you might actually have some friends and not scare everyone off!"

The sharpest blade in the universe could stab me right now, but that wouldn't even come close the pain I felt when the sharp words left his mouth. The cold and cruel look on his face made me want to cry, but I couldn't show weakness in front of him, because that would be like letting him win. When I couldn't look at the hatred on his face any more and just stepped into the shadow and didn't look back.

_Suicidal Freak_

I walked around my room in the Underworld in deep distressed thought. I knew Percy and I were never close, but I thought we were sort of friends. I had to admit, I liked him as a little more than a friend, and that only made the effect of his words more unbelievably worse. No matter what happened, he was always somewhat kind to me. So, I never imagined that he would ever say anything so horrible to me. It just made me realize that I am now 100% sure that anyone that has ever met me, hates me. My family, except for my father that I'm pretty sure also hates me, is dead. D-E-A-D.

The thought of death used to make me slightly uneasy, but now, it's almost welcoming. It has pondered my mind for a while. Suicide. I could end it all. All the pain. All the hatred. All the isolation. The thing that would lead my most in to crossing the line would be getting to see my mom again. I could almost taste the bliss and relief. What would she think of me? I knew she obviously wouldn't like the fact that I'm gay, but no one else likes it either. It's unnatural and I hate it. It's even worse, because the guy I have a serious crush on, now absolutely hates me. I could just die. Could just die. Just die. Die. Maybe I could pull out enough courage that I could finally finish what had to be done. For the sake of everyone who isn't me.

With these depressing thoughts in my mind, I grabbed a knife from my drawer and shadow traveled to my cabin at Camp Half-Blood to fulfil a long over-due deed. I know I shouldn't. I know I should try and find a purpose in life, but I just cannot take this anymore. All I can hope for is my father cares just slightest bit to give me Elysium.

_Suicidal Freak_

I sighed and looked at the knife in my hands, "It's all for the better. Everyone will forget me easily," I whispered trying to convince myself to do what needed to be done. I slowly dragged the shining knife across my pale, scarred flesh. Then the cuts became deeper and more frequent and my head began to fog due to blood loss. I whimpered from the pain I inflicted upon myself. I thought I saw something through the window, running towards the Hades cabin, but I really didn't pay much attention to it. I was becoming too far gone. It would all be over soon. I could reach the bliss of death.

From the blood loss, I finally colasped on the floor and the last thing I heard was the faint cry of someone familiar yelling, "Nico!" before I blacked out. I couldn't see anything. I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't feel anything. I felt as if I were in an abyss of nothing. It was almost blissful, but I wasn't dead yet.

_Suicidal Freak_

I saw a light. Not the bright light you're supposed to see when you're dead, but just a normal light. I guess I would have to wait a little longer until I reached my eternal bliss, but all I could hope for was that I would get there eventually. I sighed taking in where I was. I was in the infirmary. Great . Now the whole camp knows about my problems. I tried to move, only to find that my arms have been strapped down and bandaged. Well, that's even better. Now they all really think I've lost all my marbles and want to make sure I don't do anything like it again. As if. They just want to make sure that I don't end up hurting anymore campers. They have to keep a _suicidal freak_, such as myself, away from the rest of society. I was unsafe. I was too unstable.

I soon realized that I wasn't alone. Low and behold, the one and only, Percy Jackson, sat there in a seat next to my bed, sobbing. My first reaction was to try and comfort him, but I quickly decided against it. Why should I comfort him, when he was the one that pushed me over the edge? I should hate him even more, but why can't I?

I sat up in the bed and glared at Percy. The thing is, I can't put actual hatred into my glare, because as much as I hate to admit it, I still liked him. It sickened me to have such feelings toward a person would had called me a suicidal freak? He made me want to end my life, so how could I still like him? I mentally slapped myself. I can't just forgive someone so easily. Especially in the case of him being the final cause of my suicide attempt.

He apparently heard me sit up, because his head snapped up and looked at me with a mixture of guilt and relief in his facial features. I glared back at him asking a silent question. Why didn't you let me die? He noticed my glare and tried to speak, "Nico…I'm so immensely sorry for the things I said. I didn't mean it. If you want me to leave, I will. I would completely understand if you want me to leave you alone and never talk to me again. It's unforgivable. " he said in a broken voice with his head hung down in shame with tears flowing freely. He said sorry, and I felt like such a fool for wanting to forgive him so easily. There was still one thing on my mind though…

"Why?" I asked looking into my lap to avoid his gaze. I am so curious, but I'm not sure if I actually want to know. It might just hurt me even more.

"What do you mean, 'why'?" You stupid kelp head. What do you want me to spell it out for you? There was no turning back now once I replied to him. I would end up getting an answer whether I want it or not.

"Why did you say it?" There. The question was out in the open and I was still avoiding eye contact. I can't take it back now.

He sighed and looked at me with a look that begged for forgiveness and I almost gave it, "…I don't know. All I know is that I never meant for such words to come out. I guess I was just upset that you always avoided people like a disease and always left. I was upset that you would never spend time around me anymore. I realized how much I missed you and it upset me that you were leaving again. After you left, I looked at where you had been and I felt an amount of regret that overwhelmed me. If I could take it back, I would, so that way, you wouldn't be in this situation." He looked like a kicked puppy. Wait. When did I start looking at him? I guess I couldn't help but stare into his desperate sea green eyes as the owner tried to explain his actions.

I opened my mouth to respond, but Percy beat me to it, "When you… did what you did… I realized just how much I need you in my life and how short life really is. Even though I was part of the reason you wanted to cut your life even shorter, I also want to be part of a reason that will keep you living. I know I don't even begin to deserve it, but, will you forgive me? Please…I need you… And I'm sure deep down, you need me right back. Please…" He then mumbled something that I didn't quite get, but it didn't matter. I could keep grudges for and exceedingly long amount of time, but I have never in my life been able to keep a grudge against the son of the sea god. I hated it. I already forgave him. I feel sick.

I looked at him with a hesitant gaze and a barely noticeable smile, "On one condition," I said in coy tone.

His head shot up in the most adorable and hopeful way possible. I wish I could stop thinking about him this way, but it is near impossible, "What is it? I'll do anything!"

I let one of my first genuine smiles widen some as a said in a soft slightly saddened voice, "Get these things off me and…" I paused, "Promise me that you'll stay by my side. Through thick and thin," That last part came out almost like I was scarred for an answer. Nervous? Yes. Scarred? No.

The next thing I knew was that my arms were free and I froze in shock as I was suddenly wrapped in a warm, comforting embrace. I regained only enough of my wits back to realize that I was hugging back. I wished the moment would last forever, but too soon I broke away and just stared into those sea-green eyes. He stared back into my Tartarus-brown eyes with a look that was almost… loving?

I didn't dare move, because I was scared he would move away, but instead, he looked at me with one of the most serious looks I had ever seen on his face, "I, Perseus Jackson, swear on the River Styx that I will stay by Nico di Angelo's side through thick and thin until it is absolutely impossible," He looked even more serious if that was possible, "If Nico di Angelo swears to do the same and to never attempt suicide again."

I looked at him with the same serious look and said feeling hesitant, yet confident in my words, "I, Nico di Angelo, swear on the River Styx to uphold my side of the deal." There is a rumble of thunder in the background, but neither of us really seemed to notice.

With my words, Percy's serious face slowly melted into a smile, "Good. Please, don't ever scare me like that again."

With a small smile of my own I replied, "I promise."

It was only then when I realized how close we were. I mean, our noses were maybe an inch apart. It would be so easy to just… No. I wouldn't think like that. Not when things just got fixed just the slightest bit. No, I'm not fixed, not by a longshot, but it looks to me that Percy won't stop until I'm fixed.

Apparently, the Sea Prince in front of me also noticed our closeness, but instead of moving back… he moved forward. His hands went around my head and pulled my lips to his with a gentle force. I was very shocked to say the least, but I wasn't even going to begin to complain. I slowly began kissing back while awkwardly laying my hands on his chest. I would have thought this was a dream, but I know it's not, and I'm glad for that.

When we finally broke apart, I was shocked and if felt like my breath had been stolen from me. I looked at him with a shy look and said, "So, I'm guessing you like me too?"

He smirked and replied in a low voice, "You have no idea. I just can't believe you like me back."

"Well, believe it," I guess a small amount of Percy's sass had rubbed off on me…

"So… What does that make us?" I smiled at the sight of a flustered Percy Jackson blushing and biting his lip like a school girl.

"I kind of…you know… want to…" Okay, I take it back. I probably look the same or even worse as Percy.

"Date?" I nodded, "That sounds good to me. I was worried you didn't want to." He sounded so relieved and I was still in the blissful shock that the Sea Prince actually liked me back.

"Come on," I said getting up, "This place is getting to me. Let's go…" I checked the time, "to lunch. I'm starved."

I grabbed my jacket and Percy's hand and dragged him out of the infirmary to go eat lunch with the others. We got stares. We got murmurs behind our backs. We got even more of both when Percy sat at the Hades table with me. Did we care? No, because we were happy, and I didn't care about them right now. I just was happy to be able to spend time with my Sea Prince, and nothing else could bother me right now. I was too much in a bliss I thought I would never achieve, so you could tell me the world was ending, but I would be fine as long as I had Percy. I was fine. We were fine. Everything was going to be fine. Maybe not perfect, or great, but it would be fine.

_Suicidal Freak_

Maybe I wasn't one after all.


End file.
